If you are an avid reader of the "Sparkalini" blog, you know that this past weekend was Greek Fest in Dallas. During Greek Fest, I did have my fair consumption of pita! There's the classic Gyro wrapped in pita, there's the pita as a substitute for a dinner roll with your entree (Greek's just can't eat an ordinary dinner roll) and there's the pita triangle for dipping (dipping in ziziki sauce, hummus, etc....). You have to love pita....that doughy tortilla looking thing....although we didn't steal it from the Mexican's, as after all...., the Greek' s invented EVERYTHING...right? Well, not really, but if you talk to most Greek's they will claim creation rights!!! So like I was saying...I ate my fair share of pita. But, today's blog is not about pita (the Greek bread replacement), but rather about P.I.T.A. That would be "P" period, "I" period, "T" period, "A" period....better known as, Pain In The Ass. Now there are several kinds of P.I.T.A.'s. There is your basic..."Damn that telemarketer is a real pain in the ass" to "Ouch, I was working out on the stair master and have a huge pain in my ass" to....an actual pain IN your ass. So let's start at the beginning. I have been receiving a phone call from a company called NCAC (National Credit Audit Corporation) from toll free number 800.779.4894 for the good part of a year. It goes like this....my phone rings, I answer, and a recording comes on that tells you that this call may be monitored and/or recorded for quality service. The recording goes on to tell you that NCAC is a debt collector and the call is in regards to an outstanding debt and asks you to call them back at the number I listed above (please write it down for future reference). So, I call the number (when I first started getting the calls...a year ago) and listen to the prompts. It asks for my account number. Since I do not know what this is about, I have no account number so I prompt out for an operator. The operator comes on and asks for my account number. I tell the operator that I don't have an account number and don't know what the call is about. They then ask me for my phone number, so they can track the call that way. OK...I give them my number and they ask, "Is this Sergio?" ME: No, my name is Andrew Constantinides. NCAC: "Does Sergio have access to this number?" ME: "Seeing as though I don't know who Sergio is, I hope he doesn't have access to this number." NCAC: "Sir, a yes or no will do." (Really? Did they just say that to me? Do they know who I am?) NCAC: "What about Irene...does she have access to this number?" ME: "Unfortunately I don't know Irene, so I don't think she has access either...or....sorry....No." NCAC: "OK, then we must have the wrong party. I'll remove you from our database." ME: "Thank you!" So that was a year ago, and I have kept receiving the calls and called back maybe two more times to be "removed from the database". As they have not called in while....they may have actually removed me, but now it's MY turn. I will call their number EVERYDAY, MULTIPLE times and run up their bill and request that you do the same. I am going to give them a little taste of their own medicine and show them what a P.I.T.A. they were for a good year!!! That is the first type of P.I.T.A. and it was a MAJOR one!!! The second P.I.T.A. really is pretty cut and dry. I WAS working out the other day and felt a little something something pull in the upper part of my thigh, heading up to my glute. When I got off of the machine, I s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d really big and....OUCH...pulled a muscle.....in of all places, my ass. Now, that is a regular P.I.T.A. The third and FINAL P.I.T.A. is the actual Pain IN Your Ass. Now, I have known many a woman that has given birth to a baby...and the ones that go through it the old fashion way.....labor and pushing...as opposed to the en vogue 21st Century way...either C-Section or massive drugs...are going to know what I am referring to. So imagine that you are pregnant (this is all second hand information, so if you really HAVE HAD a baby, you can correct me later), you go into labor and you decide you are going to do it "the old fashion way", earn your stripes, be a martyr...and PUSH. Well, depending on how far along you are and how big that baby is....you may be pushing for a LONG TIME. So, if you PUSH for a long time...with all your might, and nothing comes out....there's gonna be side effects. Now pushing is pushing....there's "stuff" in there...NOT boo boo your gross people....I'm talking about veins....you know, inside of your body. When you PUSH...sometime these veins can swell and.....uh.....well.....ummmmm...become this weird gross thing called a......hemorrhoid. Ewww....painful, uncomfortable...now that's what we call a pain IN the ass. Now remember, anyone is susceptible...not just pregnant women. What are you thinking? What? Yes, even men can get them. I mean, not me?.!? No...really...I mean....I don't have a hemorrhoid. Gotta go.
FINAL THOUGHT: If given a CHOICE...always choose pita over P.I.T.A. Unfortunately, there is usually not a choice involved....not that "I" would know. Leave me alone.....I gotta go.
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