Greek Fest or P.M.S?

As this weekend marks the 55th Anniversary of Greek Fest in Dallas, TX (was there performing a cooking demonstration yesterday, thus the lack of blog...ooops, sorry!).  In the spirit of the Greek Fest, I thought I would dedicate a blog to the event...but....is there really that much to say?  After all, it's really just a bunch of white people trying to be Greek for the weekend.  Aside from the incessant mispronunciation of the word Gyro and some woman asking me if I had any honey balls (I was selling pastries today and she was referring to a dessert item known as loukoumathes, which are, in essence, donut holes rolled in honey and nuts), there's really not a lot to talk about.  So, yes...let's go there...where no one and especially no man should go, and talk about P.M.S.  Now, first of all, I want my friend Patti Snyder to know that I am NOT talking about her.  You see, her initials are P.M.S.  OK, now that that's out of the way, I came to think about this topic, as I was flipping through the channels on the TV the other day, and I think it was Dr. Oz talking to a guest about P.M.S.  The guest, obviously a woman, was saying that when she has P.M.S. everything "pisses" her off.  She said that she can get triggered from a  range of things from her husband trying something on in the morning and changing his mind on what he's going to wear, and rather than hanging it back up, he leaves it draped over the back of a chair in his closet.....to her son forgetting to wipe down the counter in the bathroom after he uses the sink......to her dog getting water outside of the bowl when he drinks.  As I sat and listened to her, and watching Dr. Oz (is he a REAL Dr.?) taking her so seriously, I had to sit back and say, "Did anyone just think that maybe she's just a BITCH?"  How is it that women can get away with so much shit because of P.M.S.  I think it's a crock.  Why don't we just call it like we see it and call these "certain" women who have these issues....BITCHES?  If you really think about it, women ONLY have ONE good week a month.  If it's not the PREmenstrual, then it's the POSTmenstrual or it's the actual menstrual cycle....so really, just one good week.  WOW, that really eliminates a lot of good times.  That means if you are a breeder or a lesbian and around a woman all the time, they only really have 12 good weeks a year. You would almost need to date for a while to see what her cycle is to determine what your life would be like. You would need to know....is Christmas going to fall on one of "THOSE" weeks and be really shitty?  Do you have to plan your wedding around her menstrual cycle?  Will vacations be determined by when "FLO" will be visiting?  Come on, after all, you don't want to head to the Caribbean for a romantic vacation, only to learn that you will be scuba diving alone because your wife/girlfriend/lover can't go in the water, or you don't want her with you in the water, because she's SHARK BAIT!  Nothing like swimming around the ocean with a 110lb hunk of chum on your side.  GROSS.  Nothing like being on a vacation with your partner hauling around a heating pad or hot water bottle.  Picture it, "Yes, can we get chairs by an outlet.  No, I don't need to plug in my laptop...I have cramps, it's for my heating pad."  Fun times.  Now don't get me wrong...men have bad days too...we just don't blame it on a bodily function.  So imagine.....damn, I didn't poop today, I'm going to blame that on being an asshole to everyone for the next day.  It just wouldn't fly.  We don't get a "Get Out of Jail" card 3 times a month.  This might be the only argument for homosexuality not being something that you're born with.  It's a sacrifice that men make...getting called names as kids, and getting beat up and discriminated against as adults, just not to have to deal with being someone that only has 12 good weeks a year.  Now don't be getting all mad at me...it's not MY fault.  Blame it on Eve.  According to the Bible, it was Eve taking a bite of the apple from the ONLY tree in the Garden of Eden that God said not to.  Acres and acres of harvest and fruit trees with OOOONNNNEEE tree that she couldn't eat from....Eve is the REAL bitch.  Adam should have done us all a favor and bumped her off before she F'd it up for everyone....asked God for another rib and created Steve....the new and improved Eve.  Then, it could have been Adam and Steve, and then "I" would have been in the majority.  Things could have really been different.  Imagine a world with perfect design, where EVERYONE had a model home  No bad breeder homes with crafty projects made from women during that "time of the month".....no one to have "the headache" and no longer a need to have to wait for to someone to come home from work to discipline the children.  It really would be a more efficient world.  OK, so I hope you know I'm just having fun.  Just providing an alternate point of view.  It's just like when people don't want to be called racist and they say, "Some of my best friends are black"....well in the spirit....."A LOT of my REAL GOOD friends are women"....or at least they used to be my friends.  So for all of you that have female friends, wives, lovers, ect...CALL THEM ON IT....call it as you see it.....tell them, "Quit blaming it on P.M.S., your're just being a BITCH.  Now just admit it."  Hopefully it won't end your friendship, marriage, relationship, but if it does, you haven't lost as much time as you thought.  If you think about it, since women only have 12 good weeks a year....it will take 4 ACTUAL 52 week years to equal one...so when you do the math...you really haven't KNOWN them as long as you think you have!  **** AND A BIG SHOUT OUT TO TINA..who abused me as a child and used to make me come to her house and bake her Toll House cookies and blamed it on cramps.   If I knew then, what I know now, I would have known she was just being a testy BITCH!  LOVE YOU!!!   XOXO!!!!!