The Babysitter

in a hush, low voice...."The call is coming from inside the house."  EEK!!!!  If you've ever seen that movie...your babysitting experience was changed for life....or anytime that you were alone in your own home!!!  I did have my share of babysitting experiences as a youngster, but most of the ones that I remember....I was the victim...aka...child being babysat and not the babysitter.  So starting young...kindergarten, I fall and break my arm (broke it while under the care of my own Father....foreshadowing of my life to come???)  ...any way, I fall and break my are.  So we rush to the ER and like they did back in those days I got a BIG white HONKING cast...ugh...I think it weighed more than me.  The doctor tells my family that, as I am so young, the arm needs to be elevated when I sleep.  OK, not a big deal...right?  Well not a big deal unless your being babysat by...let me refer to them as...my childhood Dr. Mengeles.  Lord, here you have a young child, a cast that weighs more than he does, and his arm tied to the curtain rod (and he is too small the free himself from his "restraint")...so there I lie, Saturday morning....screaming to be released from my confines so that I could go watch Felix the Cat and Mr. Magoo cartoons.  It was torture.  What's sad....I think that they DID IT ON PURPOSE!!!  Sitting on the couch, laughing as I try to escape my bed....oye.  But, the babysitting drama didn't stop there!!!  My younger brother (actually 11 years older than me...but younger than my other brother...and realistically younger than me on an intellectual level) was left to babysit me on more than one occasion.  I can remember a time that he was babysitting me and decided that he was going to teach me how to make a sandwich (keep in mind, I was about 5, which would make him 16...does anyone think that was a good idea...leaving me with an immature 16 year old?)  So, he gets out the bread, adds mayo, adds a slice of cheese and tops it off with some B O L O G N A.  Open face in his hand, he thrusts it to the ceiling....and there it stuck.....ohhhh, for a matter of about 15 seconds, then came flying down to the floor.  I will admit, I was confused, but it WAS funny!!!  It was SO funny that the second my Mom walked in the door I shared the story with her.  She looked at me with a strange look and then looked up at her kitchen ceiling....lovely outline of bread, cheese and B O L O G N A.  The babysitter was thrust to the couch (keep in mind, my Mom was only about 5 foot tall) and beat on the head with the heel of her pump.  For me...the story just got FUNNIER!!!  Hmmmm...I had the power to be able to inflict pain on this babysitter!!!!  So you think he would learn.....nope (I told you, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed).  About a week later we find ourselves at home together again.  This time..."Hey Andrew...do you want some popcorn"  HELLO....I'm like 5 or 6...of course I want popcorn!!!  He puts the oil in the pan (no microwaves back then), heats it up then adds the kernels.  It's not long before their sizzling and popping!!!  One small problem...he decided that we shouldn't use a lid, and instead would just catch the popcorn as it flew threw the air...LOVE IT!  SO FUNNY!  Again...in walks my Mom...the throw down and the shoe.  You get the picture.  This was kinda how the majority of my childhood babysitting stories went with him.....but as he grew...the throw down / shoe bang got harder to accomplish.  He was growing and my Mom was not.  So how could she punish him.  *****NOTE:  This is the EXCELLENT part****  I got to start being the babysitter.....for HIM!!!  Oh yea, all dates were a party of ....3.....Him, some trampy girl and ME!!!  I got to go on the date and report ALL the graphic details when we got home.  Oh those were the days.  Although....the more I think about it....there were times when the babysitting experience WASN'T good for me.  So if leaving me with a family member that is 11 years older than me is NOT a good idea....would you leave me with neighbors that were 4 and 8 years older than me?  If you were my Mom....the answer was YES!  Keep in mind, these were no ordinary neighbors...it was my BFF Tina and her older sister Gail.  Our Mom's were best friends (see earlier blog for details) and leaving me with them APPEARED to be a better idea...1) They were girls  2) They were relatively intelligent.  So, I was kinda like a little doll for them...Tina, only 4 years older than me got to boss me....annoying (keep in mind, that this trend has gone of for a good part of 40 years!!!!)  ...anyway, the worst part for me....the bath.  How embarrassing....first, the're not that much older than me and second, my Lord, I CAN BATHE MYSELF.....but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  They had to give me a bath.  I was like a dog in the tub getting scrubbed....then they would say, "Now, we're going to turn our heads and you clean your private parts."  O M G....How embarrassing (and you KNOW they looked....I have no nanny cam proof....but they looked).  I think this why I can blog just about anything today, as I have had NO privacy my WHOLE life!!!  Oh well...babysitting was fun...some times more fun than others, but I guess it was better than staying home alone and waiting for "the call that was coming from the inside of the house!!!!"