Reality TV. Is it REALITY?

Reality TV.  It's really a phenomenon that has taken over.  Initially it was live, unscripted and unexpected.  After watching TV for a good part of my life...TV was thought out, "scripted" lines and laugh tracks...the concept of reality TV was a whole new beast.  But was it really...and for how long?  It seems to be that we're finding out that reality TV is just a scheme to make a show "look" like it's unscripted and off the cuff.  Turns out, we're finding out that more and more of these shows are just that....shows.  Shows made to look like "exciting reality", but it's really just a perception.  You know what they say...perception becomes reality.  I started thinking about this, as (being the reality TV whore that I am) last night was the "A-List New York" tell all reunion with Wendy Williams, and immediately after, the premiere of "A-List Dallas."  So I'm watching the reunion show and it seems like these "scenes" as they call them are all planned.  Of course they are.  Wouldn't it be strange if this small group of people just always happened to run into each other....friends with friends, friends with enemies and enemies with enemies.  It's all so fake.  So then I watch the premiere of A-List Dallas (supposed to be the "A" list of the Dallas gay community.  Strange that they are all under 30 and I have never seen any of them before) and it's another weird, forced show.  NOT REALITY TV, but TV made to look like reality.  So I start to think to myself...."What is reality?"  Well, in philosophy (my college minor), reality is the state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or might be imagined.  Hmmmmm....guess that shows that "A-List New York" and "A-List Dallas", as well as every other reality show are REALLY not reality.  You see, the way they depict things on TV is not how they really exist...would be really boring TV, but how these "STARS" imagine them to exist.  So I think to myself another question...."Is MY life a reality show?"  Damn...I wish.  Unfortunately, life IS reality.  We can wish that we lived in some parallel universe and that everything is wonderful....but, unfortunately it isn't always that way.  I was driving in my car today, on the way to a client meeting and I started to think about my life.  For the most part...it's GOOD!  But when I REALLY start to dig...there are some things that I am NOT happy with.  Most of them come from a time....about a year ago....(can you figure out the importance of the timeframe)...when I may have done or said things as a way to make up for my internal unhappiness.  In doing or saying certain "things", I may have jeopardized friendships.  I may have made someone the brunt of a joke...to mask my unhappiness and detract from what was REALLY going on.  I may have said things that I REALLY didn't mean and that do not represent the person that I am, and I may have done it at the expense of someone else.  All to protect myself.  So, my life used to be one of these so called "Reality shows."  My life of a year ago was "A-List Dallas...the Andrew version"...smoke and mirrors to protect my inner self.  I can say that, as my past actions or words were NOT of the person that I ACTUALLY was, but of this imaginary person.  A person that could not be hurt by others, had a tough interior and exterior and could place others at the brunt of the joke to distract from my own internal unhappiness.  How awful.  Truth be it, I am a vulnerable person (much like anyone else, who is honest with them self) that has emotions, and can be hurt.  So, for anyone that was around a year ago (or earlier) and in contact with me....I'M SORRY.  I really am.  A few of you might even be getting a call (CB).  Maybe you didn't think anything of it, but I did, I have and I want to make it right.  I don't want to open any old wounds, but I want you to know that I am truly sorry.  So the "A-List Dallas....the Andrew version", has been cancelled.  From here on out it's true REALITY.  This is like a confession.  You can't confess and commit the same sin over and just go back and confess again...kind of negates the whole purpose of confession.  So from here on out it's Andrew REALITY.  This is me.  I hope, if need be, you can forgive me.....and if not, just know that the person that hurt you, was hurting himself.  Sorry.