Fashion vs Function

Fashion....defined as the prevailing style during a particular time.  Function....defined as performing a specific action or activity.  Alone they are just that....fashion and function....when you marry the two...well...sometimes, borders cross and...ugh!  Let's just put it out there.  When you look at the function of underwear...let's talk men's underwear, the purpose is really to put a barrier between your man parts and your outer clothing....actually not a barrier, but really to hold everything in place and prevent it from "flopping" around.  For this reason...my reason, it has always amazed me that some men wear boxers.  What do boxers really accomplish?  In my mine, nothing. They just add an extra layer of bulk.  They tend to ride up on you all day and you end up with bunched up cotton fabric at the top of your thighs all day.  Since the leg is loose and open at the bottom, they don't even serve to absorb that potential last drip of urine that you fail to shake off before pulling your pants back up.  Good argument for the brief....holds the junk in place and serves as an absorbent barrier between you and your outer clothing.  So why, then, are briefs getting SO complicated?  I was always a fan of your basic Calvin Klein briefs.  Got them in white...they were 100% cotton....comfortable and you could bleach them.  They always made a point about how easy the fly was to use.  The fly ran vertical on the brief.  So, if you have ever worn a pair of men's briefs, accessing the fly through the zippered opening of your pants....not an easy task.  There's not a whole lot of room!  I usually just go for the easy method of...unzip the pant fly, reach in and pull the underwear down from the waistband.  Much easier.  So why is there even a fly at all?  I asked myself that very question the last time that I went to one of those fancy stores that just sells underwear.  In thinking about it, I never use the fly, so why do you even need it.  Let me tell you.  If you wear briefs with no fly...you look like Linda Carter in Wonder Woman.  It's really weird.  This proves that fashion can sometimes win out over function.  Since there is no function...in my mind....for the fly....the only reason it's there is because it makes your tidy whitys look "normal".    Now they do have the undies with the fly running horizontal (the pouch)....more streamline, but again, why?  Now you have to open the zippered fly of your pants, reach into this "kangaroo" like pouch...over and under this fabric flap and then find your stuff....ugh!!!  I'll wet my pants by then!  Haven't you ever noticed that if you really have to go to the bathroom, no matter how long you have been holding it...the second you get in there...your body just wants to release.  It's like your bladder says, "I'm here and I'm letting go!"  Hmmmm....not sure how I got all the way to actual bodily functions....but I did.  Along that same line...for my female readers....women's underwear.  Now this is a WHOLE other story.  In my mind, unless you are a woman wearing the padded booty underwear...to give you that whole "Beyonce" look, you might as well wear nothing at all.  There's nothing to them.  Pretty much just a waistband with some floss attached.  Gross....butt floss.  Your only other option is Granny Panties...not cute.  Women have it even worse then men.  THEN, there's bras.  Initially a "device", again, to keep stuff from swinging around.  Now, padded, filled with water, lift, separate....:Lord.  Function is not a mere factor in under garments at all any more...it's all fashion.   Well guys, I just got some really shitty news on the work front, and can no longer concentrate on underwear.  Fashion vs Function....what's your poison?