Reality TV. Is it REALITY?

Reality TV.  It's really a phenomenon that has taken over.  Initially it was live, unscripted and unexpected.  After watching TV for a good part of my life...TV was thought out, "scripted" lines and laugh tracks...the concept of reality TV was a whole new beast.  But was it really...and for how long?  It seems to be that we're finding out that reality TV is just a scheme to make a show "look" like it's unscripted and off the cuff.  Turns out, we're finding out that more and more of these shows are just that....shows.  Shows made to look like "exciting reality", but it's really just a perception.  You know what they say...perception becomes reality.  I started thinking about this, as (being the reality TV whore that I am) last night was the "A-List New York" tell all reunion with Wendy Williams, and immediately after, the premiere of "A-List Dallas."  So I'm watching the reunion show and it seems like these "scenes" as they call them are all planned.  Of course they are.  Wouldn't it be strange if this small group of people just always happened to run into each other....friends with friends, friends with enemies and enemies with enemies.  It's all so fake.  So then I watch the premiere of A-List Dallas (supposed to be the "A" list of the Dallas gay community.  Strange that they are all under 30 and I have never seen any of them before) and it's another weird, forced show.  NOT REALITY TV, but TV made to look like reality.  So I start to think to myself...."What is reality?"  Well, in philosophy (my college minor), reality is the state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or might be imagined.  Hmmmmm....guess that shows that "A-List New York" and "A-List Dallas", as well as every other reality show are REALLY not reality.  You see, the way they depict things on TV is not how they really exist...would be really boring TV, but how these "STARS" imagine them to exist.  So I think to myself another question...."Is MY life a reality show?"  Damn...I wish.  Unfortunately, life IS reality.  We can wish that we lived in some parallel universe and that everything is wonderful....but, unfortunately it isn't always that way.  I was driving in my car today, on the way to a client meeting and I started to think about my life.  For the most part...it's GOOD!  But when I REALLY start to dig...there are some things that I am NOT happy with.  Most of them come from a time....about a year ago....(can you figure out the importance of the timeframe)...when I may have done or said things as a way to make up for my internal unhappiness.  In doing or saying certain "things", I may have jeopardized friendships.  I may have made someone the brunt of a joke...to mask my unhappiness and detract from what was REALLY going on.  I may have said things that I REALLY didn't mean and that do not represent the person that I am, and I may have done it at the expense of someone else.  All to protect myself.  So, my life used to be one of these so called "Reality shows."  My life of a year ago was "A-List Dallas...the Andrew version"...smoke and mirrors to protect my inner self.  I can say that, as my past actions or words were NOT of the person that I ACTUALLY was, but of this imaginary person.  A person that could not be hurt by others, had a tough interior and exterior and could place others at the brunt of the joke to distract from my own internal unhappiness.  How awful.  Truth be it, I am a vulnerable person (much like anyone else, who is honest with them self) that has emotions, and can be hurt.  So, for anyone that was around a year ago (or earlier) and in contact with me....I'M SORRY.  I really am.  A few of you might even be getting a call (CB).  Maybe you didn't think anything of it, but I did, I have and I want to make it right.  I don't want to open any old wounds, but I want you to know that I am truly sorry.  So the "A-List Dallas....the Andrew version", has been cancelled.  From here on out it's true REALITY.  This is like a confession.  You can't confess and commit the same sin over and just go back and confess again...kind of negates the whole purpose of confession.  So from here on out it's Andrew REALITY.  This is me.  I hope, if need be, you can forgive me.....and if not, just know that the person that hurt you, was hurting himself.  Sorry.

Goodwill....

When we hear the word "Goodwill" many different thoughts can come into your head.  Maybe you think of Goodwill Industries, the non-profit organization that you call when you have an old couch or some old clothing that you need to be picked up from your home.  Maybe you think of the 1997 movie, Good Will Hunting with Matt Damon.  Maybe the Goodwill Games or maybe the 1917 Navy Patrol Boat, the USS Goodwill or maybe even Goodwill as in the moral and mental state of honesty.  The latter is more the thread that I am talking about.  Let me digress.  Every day we get up, get ourselves ready and leave our homes.  Once we walk out the door, we have the possibility of coming in contact will an endless number of people.  Some of the people that we come in contact with will have no affect on us....we may not even notice that we came in contact with them.  Some people...people that we probably don't even know, may have and adverse affect on us...either they do something rude like cutting you off in traffic or letting a door close on you, without holding it for that......that "just long enough" period of time that warrants polite behavior.  Some people will make your day...they may still be a stranger, but they may just do SOMETHING that makes you happy or makes you smile.  DING DING DING.  The LAST one is the one that "I" want to be and that "I" want YOU to be.  I'm calling it...or giving it a title of "Goodwill Ambassador"...and I want EVERYONE reading this to be one...or at least to try it for ONE day.  Let me take another step back and digress a bit more.  I started out by saying that everyday we get up, get ourselves ready and leave our homes.  Check.  One thing that I DID NOT mention, is that there are MANY factors that affect us each and every day...and that affect OTHERS each and every day.  I can remember right after my Mom passed away I was really sad....still am some days....but right after she passed away I was sad a lot.  I would walk around in my own little world and I'm sure that I looked like I had a huge weight on my shoulders.  I did.  It was called grief.  Unless you knew me personally and knew my situation, it could be interpreted many different ways.  Some people might have thought I WAS sad.  Some people may have thought I was shy.  Some people may have thought I was arrogant and keeping to myself.  My point is, unless you knew me personally, you may have judged me, or my actions, by the way that I was carrying myself.  My BIGGER point is, you NEVER know what someone you come into contact with is going through.  OK, some people are just assholes....fine.  But, some people, and I am going to say the majority of people are inherently nice with LOTS of shit on their plate.  Maybe it's personal, maybe it can be avoided and maybe it can't, maybe their just having a bad day, maybe they feel fat, ugly, frumpy, who knows....you just never know what a person is going through until you walk a day, an hour or a second in their shoes.  Maybe...just maybe their Mom just passed away.  OK, so back on track, here is the point that I am, so desperately, TRYING to make.....da da da daaaaa....let's be Goodwill Ambassadors....even if JUST for ONE day.  Here's how it goes....yesterday I was in a local Dallas restaurant / bar.  Nothing fancy, just great burgers, salads, loaded cheese fries with jalapenos, bacon and scallions...YUM...sorry......as I was saying, nothing fancy, just a little local restaurant.  The server (used to be waitress, but that is no longer politically correct) seemed to be the "artsy", "punkish", type of young girl.  You know the one...kinda Goth, kinda dark, and you never know if it's just the persona or they are deeply tortured.  So she comes up to the table, several times....refilling water, asking if we need anything, but never really smiling.  So, the next time she comes up to the table I say, "I love your sweater.  It's really cute!"  She looks at me, smiles and says, "Thanks!"  The next time she came to the table, with a smile, she said, "Sweety, do you need anything?!"  It was interesting.  It was like I broke a barrier.  She could tell by looking at me that we didn't have the same "overt" taste in clothing or interests, and I wondered if she thought I was judging her by her appearance.  But, once I smiled and complimented something that was personal, something that she picked out and liked (obviously, since she was wearing it), I broke down the barrier between us, and now we were just two people with different interests that had something in common....we both liked her sweater (keep in mind...I didn't really "love": her sweater, but I knew that it would make her feel good).  That's part of being a Goodwill Ambassador.  It's self sacrificial.  You don't do it mockingly, you don't try to talk down or belittle someone, and it has to be "somewhat" genuine.  So I didn't "love" her sweater, but it was a nice "little white lie" that made HER feel better.  Sometimes I may be at Starbuck's and tell someone that I LIKE their outfit (I usually really do like it if I say something...yesterday was a needed exception as my server looked down in the dumps!) OR if I like a woman's perfume, or a guy's tie, or someone's dog...whatever...just TELL THEM.  Don't be looking for a compliment in return...it needs to be self sacrificial.  Maybe you see an older person in a restaurant eating alone...pick up their tab.  Just tell the waiter to give them your bill and ask that you NOT be identified.  Remember, you're doing it to be a Goodwill Ambassador and not accolades.  As humans we should be nice to others...weather we know them, or not.  Pass it on....anonymously and reap the rewards.  The reward will come....who knows when.....but it will come.  Remember, we are ALL in this together...whether we know each other or not.  You never know when you might need the help, compliment or just a simple smile from a stranger.  Put it out there and it will come back ten fold.  What do you have to lose?  Will you do it?  Will you do it for me?  Goodwill Ambassador for a day.  Please?

Late

As many of you have pointed out...I failed to blog yesterday.  You see, it all started on Wednesday night.  I couldn't sleep and went to bed LATE.  Usually that would not be a problem, but I had to get up at 5:45 am on Thursday to get ready for an early flight to Houston for business...couldn't be LATE for my flight.  Meetings went really well, but when I got home it was LATE and I was tired.  No excuse, I know.  SO, what is it about this word LATE?  To be honest, I really get annoyed when people are LATE.  Rightfully so, you can be mad at me for being LATE with this post.  Well, you can look at it one of two ways....it can be that this blog is LATE from yesterday, or it's early for today.  By the way, you're not getting another one today, so cut your losses now.  LATE.  On Tuesday I went to the gym for a training session at 2 pm.  As I really get anxious about being LATE, I arrived to the gym around 1:45.  I stretched a little, played some Words with Friends and just people watched.  2 o'clock came and no trainer.  Usually I would be annoyed, but since I was waiting for my torture to begin, I was not as concerned.    I know that she usually has back to back sessions, so if she's LATE, then my torture just gets cut a little short.  Keep in mind, these are free training sessions that I earned for joining the gym.  If I was paying, her being LATE would be a whole different story.  Obviously when your waiting to be tortured by your trainer (and the session is free) being LATE can be a good thing.  Now, keep in mind, in the spirit of fitness and the whole "trainer" concept, I had to pretend to be annoyed.  When she texted me at 2:03 and said that she was LATE and was soooooo sorry, I replied with, "....well be ready to give me twenty."  Insinuating that her punishment would be 20 push-ups....you know....have to talk in their language.  In all honesty, I was so happy that she was LATE.   Hmmmm....so there isn't one emotion associated with LATEness.  Sometimes it's really annoying.....ie....your plane departure is LATE, a customer who is supposed to meet with you at 2:30 in Houston is LATE (yes, it happened to me yesterday), or a dinner companion is LATE (Katy Palermo.  I almost ate my arm off last night waiting for you to arrive at Green Papaya).   So sometimes being LATE can be good, and sometimes being LATE can be bad.  So is there a point where how LATE you are matters?  Yes.  Take college for example....20 minutes.  If you attended college, you know what that means.  If your professor is 20 minutes late to show up for class, you can leave without being penalized.  I guess that's just an unspoken rule.  It wasn't written in my college orientation package, but it's just one of those "legacy" things that gets passed down from class to class.  I assume it's true everywhere?  I remember being in a class, and it was so close to being 20 minutes after the hour....so we took the clock off the wall, moved the big hand a few minutes forward, everyone signed their names on the board (indicating that we were there) and we took off!  It's great when you have a class where everyone has the same idea and there isn't some P.I.T.A. that decides that they need class that day and ruins it for everyone (that would usually be me, but not in college and not on a Friday!  Amen to that sista!!!!).  I was doing so good without digressions today...oh well.  So in the college instance, being LATE is ok, if you're the professor and if it's at least 20 min LATE.  Don't be showing up 10 to 15 minutes LATE or I will just be pissed.  So when else does being LATE depend on time.  Sorry ladies, you knew this was coming.  You never want Flo to be LATE (hahahahaha, I love the old school term for menstruating!).  Never good when a girlfriend, in a panic, tells you she's LATE.  First question?  How LATE?  A couple days?  Big deal.  A week?  Slut.  Yeah, being LATE can be good.  Being LATE can be bad.  Being LATE can have a time factor which can determine when it's good and when it's bad.  Since sometimes you won't know how being LATE will be viewed by the person or persons that are effected by the LATEness, I suggest to just avoid being LATE all together.  One last point, just to make sure that "a certain someone" is reading my blog....saying you're ready to leave the house and then continuing to; 1) read your e-mail 2) go to the bathroom to blow your nose or 3) take a last check in the mirror....makes you LATE.  xoxo!!!!

Baseball and Beauties

Well, it's that time of year again when baseball fans are all coming out of their seats...cheering on their favorite team....especially if you live in Dallas.  The Rangers are on a roll!  So, there's all this hubub about the Rangers and how great they're doing and how we need them to win...blah blah blah, yada yada yada.  Not being a HUGE follower of baseball (football, basketball, soccer, you get the point) I needed to reach out to my authority on sports. (***SHOUT OUT TO SHARON DOSE!!!!  Hey Girl!!!  Love you long time!!!)  Seeing as though the Rangers are doing really well, I figured that I needed to jump onto the "fair weather fan" wagon!!!  So Sharon posts the other day that the Rangers won and that they have one more game to close out this round.  My response...."Where?  Then what?"  It's just so complicated.  Her response....and bare with me, all of you fellow non-sports addicts....."This series is the best of five, we lead the series 2-1, and then we play the winner of the Yankees and Tigers series, round two is a best of seven series and that decides the American league champ who will then play a best of seven series against the National league champ for the world series!!!!"  REALLY?  It's really that difficult?  Come on...you're playing baseball...a game that all of these players have been playing for their WHOLE life.  Why do you need SO many with SO many games?  And the whole time they're getting paid.  I have this conspiracy theory that the teams playing already know who is going to win.  The teams all meet and have a "negotiation" of sorts and decide who the winner will be.  After all, advertisers charge HUGE dollars for commercials during these series, so the longer they drag on, the more money they make. So there are "kick-back for the team that agrees to play long, but bite it in the end.  It's a win-win for everyone involed! So the title of today's blog is "Baseball and Beauties." So you ask where the beauties come in?  Well the beauties are NOT the baseball players, although some of them ARE beauties, but rather TRUE beauties.....Miss America, Miss USA and Miss Universe.  Do they get a series?  NO. There are so MANY differences that are just not fair.  Being Miss America, Miss USA or Miss Universe is a contest too.  Granted, there are beauty contests to get to the ultimate contest, but NOTHING on the scale of baseball.....AND they're not getting paid to get to the ultimate contest....AND they're going at it ALONE.  There is no Team Texas or Team California....it's just ONE person...make it or break it.  When the ONE beauty DOES win, it's hardly a prize, compared to the World Series winner....and the World Series doesn't have ONE winner....the whole team wins.  If you REALLY think about it, it's NOT FAIR AT ALL.  Here these poor girls are made to bare almost everything and get in a bathing suit on national TV and strut their stuff in high heels.  You would think that just MAYBE there should have to be ONE game where the baseball players play in a bathing suit, so that we could judge them on how fit they are.  Also, the "beauties" have to buy a gown (that they pay for themselves) just for a small chance to win the ultimate prize.  With baseball, the players are given their uniforms (provided by the team) and they slide in the dirt and make a mess of them.  Maybe one of the judging criteria for baseball should be; which team has the cleanest uniforms at the end of the game.  After all, poise is part of a beauty contest and if you fall, you don't get extra points....you lose points.  So, maybe a deduction for sliding and maybe more points for staying on your feet and running a little faster.  On the flip side, maybe we should make the beauties run in heels and see who wins.  If a beauty contestant has a bad day...so sad, too bad.  If a baseball player has a bad day he can sit out the game OR just wait until the next game when he's doing better.  No pinch hitters or stand ins for the beauties.  So is it fair?  NO it's not.  Baseball gets WAY more coverage and THEY'RE getting paid to play a game.  It's ridiculous....confusing and ridiculous.  Grow up already.  Get a real job....and do it right THE FIRST TIME...not best of 5, best of 7, best of whatever.  Do it ONCE and DO IT right.  FINAL THOUGHT....Where the REAL discrimination comes in, is in the category of spitting.  With baseball, it almost seems like a prerequisite to spit...and spit A LOT....either just saliva....or the residual from chewing tobacco (in essence, being able to smoke on the job!)  UGH.  Gross.  A beauty CANNOT spit, and it is really frowned upon (on OR off the stage...during or not during competition).  A true beauty ALWAYS swallows.  ; )

WOW.  Some things are just NOT FAIR.

Say it, don't spray it...um, I mean don't "spell" it

I used to love that saying when I was a kid..."Say it, don't spray it!"  Remember?  We would say that when someone was talking and would inadvertently spit while they were talking....LOL!  Mostly it was the kids with braces...poor bastards.  Hell, what am I talking about...I was the poor bastard who waited until adulthood to wear braces...ugh!  Anyway...what I was saying, was that we used to use that stupid little saying when someone talked and spit.  NOW, I just want to scream..."SAY IT, DON'T SPELL IT!"  UGH!!!!  In these annoying times...spelling words or using acronyms seem to be the NEW big thing.  But really?  Is it really new?  OMG...NO it's not.  U C, there were many U.S. (United States) companies that were far ahead of the curve.  Yeah, ever heard of I.B.M.?  They were once known as International Business Machines.  Heard of AT&T....American Telephone and Telegraph, UPS....United Parcel Service, the list goes on and on.  This whole acronym thing is nothing new.  Hmmm....kinda reminds me of a past blog...."Everything old is new again."  The only difference now is that the words are dirty.  When you say WTF it does not make it nice.  Just because you don't actually say the word "Fuck" doesn't mean that you haven't insinuated it.  OMG...still taking the Lord's name in vein by saying "God".   I can remember when I was little, getting in trouble for saying the word "Hell."  So once we got in trouble for saying it, we started spelling it....." H E double toothpicks".  Don't ask.  I guess you couldn't even spell it with the real letters without getting in trouble.  Then there were words that you spelled strangely just for fun.  Take, for instance, MISSISSIPPI.  That would translate to M I, crooked line, crooked line, I, crooked line, crooked line, I, hump back, hump back, I.  Not sure where that came from, but remember....I grew up in Northwest Indiana. Point made.  So the whole WTF, OMG is really nothing new, just a way of saying something you shouldn't really be saying in public without getting looked at.  Youth of America...acronyms are nothing new and neat.  Wasn't it Michael Jackson that said, "I want to love you, PYT (pretty young thing).  You need some lovin', TLC (tender lovin' care)....yeah he did.  So that't how I feel about that.  Come on youth of the new Millenium get your OWN thing.   Oh, and please....do not adopt one of my creepers...Heather Rivera's new thing (***HEY SHOUT OUT TO HEATHER....CREEPER OF THE DAY who cannot admit, by becoming a follower, that she reads my blog every day....sometimes reading the same blog over and over since I am her idol!!!!!) of talking in www.   She's starting her own campaign of talking in www terms.  ie:  www.I'macreeper.com.  She's actually rubbing off on my BFF/Sister, Tina, who in response to a low blow (delivered by yours truly) could only come up with a come back of www.gagmewithaspoon.com.  Come on T...you're almost 50....and sorry, regardless of what Oprah says....50 is NOT the new 40....it's just 50....1/2 way to 100...on the downward slope.  OK, again I apologize for digressing.  My point of today's VERY short blog (tired as I didn't sleep well last night, had an early meeting this morning and then walked the State Fair of Texas all day....) say what's on your mind.  Don't spell it....don't acronym it....don't www it.....JUST SAY IT!!!  It is no nicer, or less sharp of a cut down (or attempt at one) if you shorten it.  Grow a set and SAY IT.   K?  K.   TTYL 4 sure.  <3 U,  C U!!!  XOXO!

Something that makes me go....hmmmmmm

OK, so someone that I am related to....by blood....is homophobic.  Keeping in mind that we are related, makes for a VERY awkward situation. (this person does not live in Dallas and is not the child of anyone that lives in Dallas...figured it out yet?)  Anyway...this....person is kind of ..... A DICK (or Dickess, as not to give away their gender).  You see, I really do not understand why some people crown themselves as God and then decide to pass judgement on others.  So what really stands out in my mind...actually there are a few things, but the first.....don't throw rocks if you live in a glass house.  You see, this person has quite a few skeletons in their closet.  Many of which this person's own children do not even know about.  In past blogs I have talked about looking at yourself and making judgement, before you pass it on to others....well, I didn't say it JUST like that, but in this situation...that's what I meant.  See, for me, it's all well and good to look at yourself in the mirror every morning and say, "WOW, I'm a good person and I do good things for others"....(not sure if this person can really say that, although "I" can), but you have to also realize where you came from...what you did in the past....and knowing that people who know you, know what you did...and although you live in your "FANTASY" world and just share what you want to share (the good parts), the other "stuff" still exists.  Just because you have chosen to omit parts of history that you don't like....doesn't make them go away.  (Kinda reminds me of an entire nation that says that the Holocaust never happened...hmmmmmm.)  Not judging...REALLY, just saying that you have to take the good with the bad (reminds me of the theme song from The Facts of Life...OMG, I loved that show!!!  Tooty, Blaire, the whole crew....awwww...the good ole days.....)  Sorry, didn't mean to get distracted.  So that's kind of the first thing.  The second one is that you can't control what you can't control.  You know what that means?  It means if you're born gay, blind, deaf, black, white, etc.....that it is what it is.  As the almighty GAGA says, "Baby I was born this way."  You have to deal with what you're dealt.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, if given the choice, I probably would not have chosen to be gay.  I mean, don't get me wrong...I am very happy!  I like the person that I am.  I'm in a great, loving, caring relationship and life is good, but having a strike against you at all times is not fun.  Times are changing, but not fast enough!  Another thing that we cannot change is when we were born.  Be it birth order or when in your parents marriage that you came to be.  I am VERY fortunate.  I probably really should not be here!  It's not a secret that I was an accident!  An OOOPPPS baby.  After all, my Mother was 41, my Father was 49 and my siblings were 15, 13 and 11.  I was not planned.  "I" was now "officially" the baby, and I'm good with that, but .....being born so much later offered me many benefits that my siblings did not have.  When I came to be, my parents were more established.  In other words, there was more disposable income.  Growing up, by the time I knew who I was, my siblings were gone, and I was raised like an only child.  An only child with 5 parents instead of 2.  Since there was such a gap, everyone thought that they knew best.  Thank God my Mother nipped that in the butt!!!  Anyway, so I cannot help that I was born later in life and realized more benefits than my siblings...for the most part, the majority of them don't care.  OK, so third and finally...and this is the one that really was the inspiration for today's blog and the one that makes me go...hmmmmm.  So it's been established that I am a Gay man. (Lord I feel like an alcoholic....My name is Andrew and I am Gay.)  I came out in the early 90's, but really knew for a good part of my entire life.  In my entire adult life, I have NEVER dressed up like a woman....not for Halloween, not for fun, not for anything.  SO then, why is it that the "homophobic" or I should say "homophobics" always find it SOOOO fun to dress up like woman?  It seems to be their favorite Halloween costume.  I don't get it.  If there is such a distaste in your mouth for a particular person or group of people, why would you want to emulate that?  It would be like me dressing up like Michele Bachmann for Halloween.  To me, she's gross and I would rather dress up like a piece of dog poop, before I would dress up like her.  And then, would this "aforementioned" homophobic person condone their male children (if they had male children) dressing up like a woman?  Yeah, I don't get it.  Unless it's some latent desire to live out a part of yourself that you can't, OR your way to show that you're jealous that your younger relative was able to be honest with what he was dealt and live his life in truth and not half truths (the ones you choose to share and the ones you don't), OR....you're just a fag (please note, I can use that word since I am one.  It's like rappers being able to use the "N" word.  Please refrain from using the word "Fag" unless you are one or the "N" word unless you are Little Kim or another rapper.).  So for today....something that makes me go....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Never on a Sunday, but you should know.....

Russ is a creeper.